Too Wild for Comfort

Every spectator in Yellowstone hopes for comfortably close encounters with wildlife. Three bears, a fox, a heard of buffalo, some deer and countless chipmunks graced us with their presence during our day in the gorgeously preserved park. The fox was too quick for a photo op. and the grizzly bear was so far away that in pictures he looks remarkably similar to a ball of fluff masquerading as a bear. The deer would’ve remained unfazed if I stuck my lens in their ears. Maybe they’re not so wild, after all. The following morning I drove back into the park, intending to see more wildlife and to enjoy a long run through the wild backcountry (and to avoid the wailing that accompanies dressing a toddler each morning).

I chose a trail surrounded by gorgeous mountains on either side, which supposedly ran along a sparkling stream in a five-mile loop. I should’ve learned two days prior to be wary of supposed five-mile loops. I jogged jauntily down the side of the hill, barely aware of how far I was going, the Prius becoming invisible as I descended. The dew was still clinging to the grass, a mist not yet burned off the stream as I approached. Momentarily forgetting Yellowstone’s complimentary pamphlets about how wild animals are—duh—rather dangerous, and hikers hike at their own risk, my imagination ran wild. How cool would it be if I saw a bear or a buffalo down here?

Then I almost tripped. Over a pile of bones. I tried to convince myself that they probably washed up from the river, but they were pretty far up. Then I looked up and realized I couldn’t see outside the valley. I also swear I saw a coyote standing on a rock shelf 100 yards away, licking his lips and thanking his lucky stars that two meals stumbled upon his lair this morning. But maybe it was just a rock.

A long run had sounded so wonderful, I just couldn’t give it up. I jogged a few more paces into knee-high grass beside the water. Then Chris Farley’s voice came to me from a classic SNL skit, and I decided to turn around. No one’s going to care how many miles you ran when you’re a pile of BONES down by the RIVER.*

*If you’re too young, too old, or too boring to get this joke, watch the video here.