Is That Digital?

My body temperature hovers somewhere below ninety-eight degrees, at least a half-degree below the average human’s. My friends are used to it. My boyfriend dutifully, if grudgingly, holds my hands when they’re especially frigid.  I’m cold, in the same way that I am 5’6” and Caucasian. It’s my natural state. Yet every time I go out, without fail, a man will saunter up to me and deliver his smoothest line from what I assume is an infinite reservoir of clever come-ons. “You look cold.” Thank you, I am cold. You look stupid.

On the boardwalk across from Old Faithful last week, I learned that technology is the key to averting this stating-the-obvious flirtation. Set a camera up on a tripod, look like you know what you’re doing, and men on either side of you, even the ones with 7-year-old daughters vying for their attention, want to talk about your camera. What kind of camera is that? How’s the image quality? Yes, honey, I know the geyser is erupting but I’m trying to talk to this girl about her Canon XSi. Don’t interrupt.

Two lessons to take away from this: Gold-digging ladies, get yourself a nice camera. Guys who inevitably will have nothing clever to say to the next interesting girl you see, “Is that digital?” trumps “You look cold.”